By Beth Wesson

Journey-Cake

No, no, no, no, NO!!!!!  I kept mumbling to myself from the very first scene where Bree and Roger realize Jemmy is a traveler. The looks of realization and its import were on everyone’s faces and the significance for each of them weighed heavily on my heart. “Don’t go”, I mumbled, “please don’t go. ‘

The Weight on Each Heart and the Lump in Each Throat. Maybe it is the time in which we are living, but the importance of family is uppermost in my mind.  Last conversations, last hugs, last goodbyes, and last…”I love yous” are probably on all of our minds.  I feel for those separated from their loved ones, unable to be there to comfort and console or to say their last “I love you”. 

 It makes you want to hold close all those you hold dear and yet, we cannot.  Families are scattered and untouchable. 

Bree Trying to Be Brave 

Season 5, Episode 11

I don’t believe she wants to go, not for a minute.  When I watched her interact with Roger discussing their departure, I once again mumbled to myself, this time  I whispered: “Where thou goest I go”.  What weighs heavily on Bree’s heart is leaving her mother and father and all those she has learned to love balanced against her marriage and her promise to her husband.  We know he is right, it is a dangerous place.  In the books, Bree often fears just how quickly her child or anyone she loves could die.  She muses that even something as simple as diarrhea or a cut could take them from her.  She knows there is a war coming and Roger will be expected to fight and even though he has made great strides in becoming an 18th-century man, she knows he isn’t ready.

She knows that becoming who she was meant to be will be difficult if she stays and maybe even impossible.  Being a person with knowledge and attempting to use that knowledge, even for the betterment of all, is risky just ask her mother. She knows that Roger is right.  They weren’t meant to live this life.  They interfered with the fates by deliberately going through the stones, but leaving means saying goodbye most probably forever.  They haven’t played it up much in the series, but traveling through the stones is supposed to be painful maybe even deadly and there are no real guarantees you will end up where you want.  Which, if I had to pick a bone with the story, makes me wonder if their reasons for risking the stones were strong enough. 

In the book, they leave because their new baby has a problem with her heart and will die without the surgery she can only get in the future.  To me, that was a real reason to leave your family and risk death, and the only reason I can see Bree leaving her mother and father, and quite frankly, the only reason Roger would ask her.  But, the powers that be decided to go this way, so I’m suspending my disbelief and just going with the reasons given and believing they were worth the risk. Who am I kidding…she would have never left.  Every time she looks at her mother, her father, or even sweet Lizzie, we see her swallow against the lump in her throat.  She doesn’t want to go, no, no, no, no, NO!  She knows what it was like to leave her mother and believe she might never see her again.  And, now Jamie too? Nope.

Roger Has Only Wanted a Family 

On a deeper level, he is probably right.  It is dangerous and they weren’t meant to live this life.  He is a college professor, she is an engineer, but right now, they are neither. I love that he acknowledges that they won’t necessarily be safe in the future, only safer. 

But, I was back to mumbling again, “How do you know”, I groused.  I’ll admit it seems logical, but I’m pretty intuitive and my intuition tells me an unsure future might not be worth losing the value in their present life.  They are loved and cared for and surrounded by family. I’m not sure the trade-off is worth it. 

I know Roger is only looking out for his family. 

He tells us all he has ever wanted is for them to be a family and he thinks that the future is where he can best take care of them. I know it weighs heavy on his heart that they will be leaving Jamie and Claire, but like Jamie, he will do the hard stuff to protect his family and in this case, the hard stuff is leaving.  The irony is that I think Roger is becoming a man capable of living in the 18th century. 

He is understanding what is required, as evidence by how he took charge in the Bonnet situation in the last episode, and how he helped the poor burned girl to her final sleep instead of allowing Jamie to do it.  Just when he is fitting in, he decides to leave.  A man who only wants them to be a family is …leaving his family.  I don’t believe he really wants to go either.  I think he thinks he is doing what is best for Jemmy and Bree.

Lizzie is Loyal 

Bless you Lizzie, your incredulity was mine.  But, why?  They have all been with Bree and Roger through good times and bad.  Faithfulness and loyalty are rare and yet, the Ridge seems so full of it.  Good friends are hard to find and I have no doubt that Lizzie would be Bree’s friend until the end.

Ian Understands 

He knew it well! Ian, that his aunt was a fairy!

I laughed at this and was relieved that someone else knew the truth.

I always thought they should have told Ian and Jenny a long time ago. It would have saved a lot of grief. But, I suspect they already know that Claire is more than an Oxford widow.

We quickly understand that Ian hopes that the future may contain the answers he seeks. It weighs heavily on our hearts when Claire explains to him that it is impossible.

He needs his family around him.

Fergus and Marsali  

This goodbye was foreshadowed.  Marsali sat on the porch steps and told Ian how she was grateful for having found family and a place to.belong.

“What will your parents do without you?”, she asks.  I’m sure she is projecting some guilt over leaving her own mother and sister. 

She understands the hole Bree and Roger will leave and how hard it will be to live with.

To Claire It Seems Like an Eternity 

I can’t even imagine.  As I’ve written before, to have loved and lost is painful, but to gain that love back only to lose it again must be unbearable. The heaviness of Claire’s heart must make every breath a labor.  Her logical brain knows what Roger’s knows. 

The future is probably safer and filled with opportunities they will never have if they stay, but her heart needs her family around her to love and to hold.  When she stood in that hallway watching Brianna say goodbye to the folks of the ridge, I understood what she was feeling, arms wrapped around herself.  She doesn’t want to stand in the way, but it hurts not to beg them to stay. 

How does she even begin to accept this, to say goodbye again?

The chance to make them peanut butter and jelly “journey cakes” was a wonderful touch.  In a world of things, you cannot control, you grab on to those you can. It’s why we are ALL baking ! 

I remember when a particular granddaughter had a devastating disappointment, circumstances were out of her control and mine.  She hurt and it hurt me that she hurt, so I made her favorite food and took it to her.  Hey, it’s what grammies do and we are darn good at it! 

Claire is creating a happy memory for her and for us, bridging a gap between the future and the past.  Jamie’s cutting the sandwich with a knife was perfectly in character and made me smile. Claire tearfully looking at her portraits was every mother and grandmother ever who miss their children. The whole episode was just …touching.

Jamie’s Life is Whole 

Of all of Outlander’s character’s that I love to love, I feel the worst for Jamie.  I have never felt Jamie very difficult to figure out.  His desires are pretty simple.  He wants to love and protect those he loves. 

He wants to be a husband, a father, a grandfather.  He wants to be a man his father and his heavenly father would be proud of. Jamie thought he had lost his chance to be any of those things, but then Claire came back through the stones. His joy upon her return was only increased by the knowledge that his daughter lived.  Suddenly, he began to gain everything he never thought to have, he gave Fergus his name, added Marsalis, Ian, and Murtagh to his ever-growing family.  He was carving out a place to be, a person to be, and a home to call his own. 

 And then,…a miracle,…his lost daughter is suddenly in his arms, his reason for everything, the embodiment, the proof that his life, his sacrifices were not in vain.  His blessing.  Watching him play with Jemmy on the horse, his bearing his shame to let Bree know she had a brother tore me up.  But, when he found out they were leaving in a week? Sam Heughan once again tore my heart asunder when he showed us how Jamie struggled to be strong for Bree and then told her she had made his life whole.  God, I’m crying as I type this!

And Wee Jemmy 

I’m sure everyone has their theories, mine all revolve around wee Jemmy.  Here is what I know, it isn’t just gemstones that steer time travelers.  They also have to have someone to go to.  I think Claire ended up where she did because she and Jamie were meant to be together and the second time she knew why and to whom she was going, but Bree and Roger?  Bree traveled through the stones the first time because she had a purpose, she needed to tell her parents they were in danger, and I think she desperately missed her mother and wanted to meet her father.  She was angry at Roger for going through the stones to find her because she needed someone she loved to go back to and NOW how were they supposed to get home?  So, I’m back to my original belief, they don’t really want to go.  Everyone they love is on Fraser’s Ridge and Jemmie, little double-bundle of power and mystery doesn’t know anyone or any place other than the ridge. 

Hello, the house.