Diana Gabaldon thus gives up all kinds of facilities to tell us with dazzling subtlety the emotional journeys of each one, in the truth of what they feel during the trials they have gone through: the trauma of the night of Wentworth inscribed for a very long time with Jamie. , their secret and painful duplicity to avoid Culloden, the dangers of the King's court, Claire's almost blackmail to save Frank and Jamie's betrayal of his promise soon after, Faith's death, their three-month separation, their failures and their despair ...

This period of their life is the saddest one for me because by devoting themselves to this almost sacrificial mission of saving Scotland from a predicted disaster, they take the risk of losing their focus on themselves and their relationship. Fortunately, they don't lose the basics: honesty and trust. These two intangible foundations of their relationship are the key to their romantic success in these fragile times. Diana Gabaldon has also quoted, during interviews, these two notions to explain their ability to overcome the difficulties of their reunion in volume 3, but that's another story ...

To return to possession and allegiance according to Jamie, this subject does not weaken during this second installment. Blood of my blood, bone of my bone, I give you my body so that we can become one, this oath is not just a marriage formula for Jamie, it is his oath of life to Claire. He also said to her on several occasions: "You hold my heart and my soul in your hands". If he lives this love with such addictive intensity, that his heart and soul rest with Claire, then we can better understand this desire to possess her. Because, far from domination, I imagine that this exclusive possession becomes for him the means to reunite, to feel complete ...

Without her, he can no longer be.

Consent is expressed less often in this volume, surely because their relationship is now established. They have passed the stage of meeting and making the first mutual discoveries to begin to come together in a better knowledge of each other. Nevertheless, it remains alive in Jamie when the circumstances are right, even after the fact: he insists on this when he returns with her on the setting in which he embarked her during the capture of the young Lord John Gray. .

Finally, protection is a constant in his attitude towards Claire. It often takes funny forms in the courting context of Paris, and never wavers, until the tragic climax of their separation ...

This time around, I want to share with you an additional theme that runs through, for me, specifically this second volume, because it deftly reveals the multiple facets of their marital relationship ... I named jealousy!

First there is the funny jealousy, in the episode of the red dress at Versailles. After telling her, horrified, that he sees her navel as she is uncovered and low-cut, Jamie endures the evening at court, reluctantly separates from her to follow Annabelle to the king, not without having carefully threatened her, but in spite of everything, he will partially drown an overly enterprising viscount. This episode nourishes their bond and brings them together.

Everyone also expresses their jealousy explicitly when it comes to a particular person. Jamie admits for the first time, to my knowledge, about Frank: “I'd be lying if I pretend I'm not consumed with jealousy. "Without dwelling on it.

Equally stealthily, Claire doesn't hesitate to compare herself to Annabelle de Marillac, with that hint of envy when she hears Jamie tenderly evoke her grace and lightness. Here again, the exchange remains complicit and in love. But it illustrates the confidence that Claire seems to have partly lost. Her pregnancy and the transformation of her body are surely not the cause, as Jamie often celebrates this motherhood. Despite their outbursts and their love, they see each other less, their relationship is sometimes damaged, and the night of Wentworth continues to stand between them in the hollow of their precious intimacy. Claire persists in spite of everything, and improvises original attempts at seduction, such as the waxing episode, or her playful proposal to have her breasts pierced.

And then comes the head-to-toe bite scene, both hilarious and deeply meaningful.

Hilarious because Diana Gabaldon writes it to the rhythm of a theatrical vaudeville, very visual, with in particular the successive entries and exits of the servant Marguerite punctuated by comical remarks: "- A small dog, perhaps? she suggested. - Outside ! I ordered him. (…) - Sweet Jesus ! murmured Marguerite, who had just returned with hot water. - You, we did not ring you! I yelp. (…) - Do not worry. Sir, I have seen others! (…) - My God, how big he is! she breathed, crossing herself. "Marguerite, that will be all, thank you," I dismissed her. ".

There is also the funny difference of point of view man / woman (to have often heard it around me during conversations of couples) about infidelity: "You consider that the simple fact of wanting another woman constitutes infidelity? (…) And even if I slept with a whore, what would you do? (…) - I would kill you! (…) To kill me ? Just that ! Me, if I found you with another man, I would kill him. (…) Naturally, I would be angry with you, but all the same, it is him that I would kill. - You men, you are all the same! Always beside the point! "

Finally, there's the gesture of pouring ice water over her head as he leans confidently in his bath, because after the bite on her thigh she just discovered a hickey on his neck.

Claire herself retains her usual dose of self-derision by sensing the ridiculous part of her own attitude. Yet despite her anger, she doesn't reenact the jealousy scene from Book 1 here, when they return to Leoch, when she believed Jamie to be with Laoghaire when he bought her a wedding ring. Obviously, she cannot take that bite, a mark of physical intimacy in her man, well when she herself is deprived of it. But despite all these signs, this time around she has gained such confidence in Jamie that she takes her word for it.

So what is it that hurts her so much?

Even though it's not explicit in the text, I imagine Claire's anger isn't coming from Jamie, it's much more personal and reveals her hurt loving pride.

In my opinion, this scene is essential in their path of intimate reunion, because Diana has the virtuosity to update the extent of Jamie's trauma, at a crucial moment when he is returning to the path of a sensual recovery, but without it being near Claire. She cannot be a part of this stage of healing in Jamie, at least not as an object of initial desire. This is all the subtlety and correctness of what Jamie is going through, and he needs to speak up and be heard by her in what he is going through, to find her.

Yes, she saved her from Wentworth, as she also saved her from a psychic death at St. Anne's Abbey, during their night of confrontation where she went to look for him in this suicidal darkness which he did not know. could come back alone. She has accomplished a feat as he himself calls it a spell. Her pride might lead her to believe that she would once again be the key to his full recovery. However, precisely because it is more than that, its destination, its home port, it cannot accompany it on this part of the road.

She feels him besides, she sees herself helpless in the face of her nightmares, precisely because Jack Randall used his intimate image to try to destroy Jamie. He must return to Claire without associating her with his executioner, and he finds him unexpectedly, during one of his male tours which follow Charles-Edouard Stuart.

It may not be "romantically correct," but it is the truth of what he is experiencing. "What do you want me to tell you?" That I wanted to join them and fornicate like a beast? Well yes ! It was itching on my balls, if you want to know. But that doesn't mean I hit one of those streaks. (…) I don't understand what's happening to me, Sassenach, or rather if… It started shortly after Wentworth. At first I thought Jack Randall had stolen part of my soul from me. And then I realized it was worse than that. These contradictory feelings were already in me, forever. He only revealed me to myself. This is what I will never forgive him! "

In this crucial moment, their honesty and trust allow Claire to welcome Jamie into this unconventional return to sensuality and desire. By agreeing to hear him, she can welcome him into the intimate truth that he unveils, in his confusion and confusion. By opening up to her in this way, by sharing feelings that he recognizes while resenting them, she can in turn express herself in what she feels that is similar.

This mutual recognition allows them to break down the last barriers of reluctance, to give up a guilt that no longer has a reason to exist, and to find themselves fully.

Later, jealousy is expressed again over a much more delicate episode: the price Claire chose to pay to free him from the Bastille following his duel. In this renewed honesty and confidence, she not only confesses that she did it in part to hurt him and take revenge for his betrayal (the reason for which she did not yet know, Fergus only confides later), but she asks him to herself to be punished with his hand, to expiate what she considers a fault vis-à-vis him. She does not regret the price paid to the king to save him ("I would have done worse if I had to"), she regrets wanting to keep him away from her and intentionally harming him. To right this breach of Jamie's pride, she wants to pay her own hands for this mistake. He chooses another punishment by forcing her to dive, I would say soul to soul, into the depths of his gaze and its abyss of pain.

The tome ends with their heartbreaking separation, on the cusp of the inevitable Culloden massacre. With a loving heart and courage worthy of the King of the Men, Jamie finds the strength to overcome this possession, and his assumed jealousy, to serve only protection: may she live, may the child live ... with Frank.

I wish you a pleasant reading!

Carolyn

Jamie Fraser, between possession and allegiance, 

consent and  protection 

Volume 2 

By Carolyn Garcin 

Outlander 

Dragonfly in amber - Volume  2 

As promised, here's the continuation of Outlander reading and Jamie's journey through his romantic relationship with Claire, on the previously mentioned themes of possession, allegiance, consent and protection.

As for the first volume, I deliver the raw extracts to you, chronologically referenced by chapter and page (which varies according to the edition), trying to get to the point, which requires many cuts mentioned by a (...) , while leaving the elements of context that allow you to find the emotion of the moment.

Dragonfly in amber tells, in my opinion, the darkest period of their romantic relationship. Diana Gabaldon has often explained that Outlander is not a romance, in the sense that it does not deal with seduction, with its conquests, its ruptures, its misunderstandings, its distractions and its doubts, sources of well-known plot twists. No, she wanted to tell the story of a married couple over several decades, establishing the principle of mutual love that does not weaken over time. And it was this bias that enchanted me. Because it explores the infinite facets of the relationship of two loving beings who want each other good, something that literature does too rarely.

Chapter 4 p66 1968, Claire's stay in Scotland with Brianna 

For I had returned, and dreams had reappeared, like the cool breeze of the Highlands. The voice of my dream resonated in my ears and in my heart. She said, "You're mine! Mine! And I won't let you abandon me anymore. » 

Chapter 5  p76 Story to Brianna and Roger 

"I was tried and convicted for witchcraft," I continued. It was in the village of Cranesmuir, at the foot of the castle. Jamie saved me, and that's when I told him the whole truth. He took me back to Craigh na Dun and told me to go home... to go back to Frank. (...) "Go home! He told me. There is nothing here for you! Nothing but dangers... But it was too late. (...) "I loved Frank," I said softly, avoiding Brianna's gaze. I loved him sincerely. But at that time, Jamie was everything to me. I couldn't leave him... I couldn't, I repeated.

Chapter 6 p89 Paris, about her pregnancy 

"I'm happy. And proud. But I'm also terribly scared. Afraid of what? Birth? You'll be fine, you'll see. I understood his fears. Her mother had died at birth, and childbirth and complications were one of the leading causes of female mortality. (...) "That's not all," he said. I want to be able to protect you, wrap you in my body... you and the child, like a coat. (...) I would do anything for you... But... There's nothing I can do. I may be strong and attentive, but I can't accompany you through this ordeal... or help you in any way. When I think of everything you risk... Yes, it scares me, Sassenach. (...)  Oh, Claire!" he said. I love you so much that I feel like my heart will let go. 

(p97) Intimacy 

"Did you put me to bed?" "I tried, but I couldn't. (...) You regained consciousness in the middle of the night and crawled alone to bed. (...) You seemed to have a fixed idea. (...) "No, no, no, no, no, Don't tell me that... (...) It's not fair! I don't remember anything!  (...) "You  kept saying "I love you," as if you didn't know how to say anything else. "Complain!

p108 Smallpox on the harbour 

The reaction was not long in coming: the captain of the Patagonia uttered a cry of anguish. He stepped forward, his face contracted by hatred, and raised a hand as if to strike me. "That's not possible! This woman is crazy! Bitch! Do you want my ruin? His last words died in a muffled gurgling, for Jamie's hand had just closed on his neck. The other hand grabbed the malotru by the jabot and lifted it on tiptoe.  "I'd like you to speak to my wife with a little more respect, sir," said Jamie calmly. (...) "Don't worry, Sassenach. I know how to take care of myself..  I can look after you, too,  if you'll let me. There was a smile in his voice, and also a question. I nodded and pressed my neck against his chest. "I'll let you do whatever you want," I promise.

Chapter 7  p131 Trying to reverse history and Culloden 

He reached out to me and stroked my hair. (...) Deep down, all I want to do is take you and our child, far, far from here, and spend the rest of my days working in the fields and taking care of the animals, to go home in the evening to go to bed near you. His face was serious again. (...) "But if I did," he said, as if speaking to himself, "I would feel like I have betrayed mine." and I believe that for the rest of my life I would hear the voices of my men reminding me of my duty.

Chapter 9 p151-158 The Red Dress at Versailles 

Nobles are only interested in appearances. So to begin with, you have to introduce them to something interesting to look at. Judging by the bemused look now written on his face, I understood the instruction. (...) "Is  it eye-catching?" he asked. You call it "eye-catching"? You're practically bare chest! (...) . Then he plunged his gaze into my plunging cleavage.  Oh, for God's sake! I can see your belly button! You're not going to show up in public in this outfit!  (...) "Come on, Jamie... You've been to court before. You know that this dress is not so provocative. He looked down at me and smiled, looking sheepish. "That's right," he agreed.  But you're my wife. I don't want to be looked at as I've looked at these women myself. (...) In terms of attracting attention, the dress was an absolute success.  Jamie's blood pressure, on the other hand, took a hit. 

(...) Jamie hesitated and Annabelle pulled a little harder on her arm. Don't fear anything for your wife... She gave me an appreciative look. – ... she will not be alone for long, she completed.  "That's what I'm afraid of,"grumbled Jamie. All right, I'm following you, but give me a moment. He momentarily freed himself from Annabelle's grip and, dragging me away, slipped in my ear:  "If I find you in one of these alcoves, Sassenach, I will kill the one who is with you. As for you... (...) I'll find something," he replied. I don't know yet... but something you won't like. With this, after throwing one last menacing glance in the round and ostensibly laying a hand on my shoulder to mark his territory,  he let himself be led by Annabelle.

(...) But it was neither the dress nor the shapes of which she hid nothing that amazed me (...) The work of jewelry was remarkable and the materials sublime, but it was to find that the rings ran through the nipples that failed to make me turn my eye. (...) "She told Marie d'Arbanville that it was Master Raymond who had pierced her breasts, I slipped in her ear. (...) Do you want me to make an appointment?" I asked. I'm sure he'll keep an eye on me if I give him my recipe for caraway tonic.  (...) "Dare to speak one more word to this master Raymond," he whistled, "and I will pierce them for you." with the teeth! 

(...) The Viscount staggered, his eyes watery, slipped on one of my shoes and fell head first into the arms of Jamie, who was standing on the doorstep. That bastard's lucky I didn't cut his balls to make him eat them! "What a great idea! I'm sure the courtiers would have enjoyed the show. Note, holding his head underwater for a minute in Neptune's basin, it wasn't bad either! He smiles in spite of himself.  "At least I didn't drown him as he deserved. The Viscount is certainly very impressed by your... Restraint. He laughed again.

(p160) "Were you serious last night about Master Raymond?" I asked Jamie. Do you really don't want me to see him again or was it just that you didn't want me to get my pierced?  "I don't want to touch your breasts, that's for sure! he answered firmly. 

(p163) My head was turning and I closed my eyes, not realizing that I was about to tip back into the pelvis. A hand slipped narrowly into the hollow of my kidneys and I found myself in the arms of Jamie who sat beside me and pressed me against him.  "Forgive me, mo duinne. Feeling better? (...) I didn't want to talk to you like that. It's just that... I feel so helpless. I watch you suffer knowing that I put you in this state. The worst part is that I can't do anything. So I'm going after you like it's your fault... Why don't you just send me to hell, Sassenach? (...) "Go to hell!" I hiccuped. Go without going back to square one. On the way, you'll withdraw two hundred dollars from the bank and wait two rounds before playing again. There you go! Are you feeling better now?  "Yes," said he, his face illuminated. When you start talking about anything, I know it's getting better. 

Chapter 10 p173  Frank, ambivalence and  jealousy 

"Wake up, mo duinne. It's just a dream, wake up. I stuck my cheek against his bare, warm shoulder, my  tears flowing down his skin. (...) "I'm sorry," I murmured. I dreamed of... (...) "I know. You called his name. He see me dresigned. He made a nervous laugh.  "I would lie by pretending that I am not consumed with jealousy,,  but I can hardly blame him for your dreams... or your crying. 

His finger followed the path of a tear along my cheek, and then he wiped my face with the handkerchief. "Jamie, you don't blame me? " You loved him, I can't help it. It's normal for you to grieve.  And it comforts me a little to know ... He hesitated.  To know what? It's ... that one day, perhaps, you will grieve in the same way.  I pressed my face against his torso, speaking in a muffled voice: "I will not grieve for you, because I will not have the opportunity. I won't lose you, ever!  No,  we are bound forever, you and I, and nothing on this earth can separate me from you. His hand stroked my hair. You are the blood of my blood, the flesh of my flesh... "I give you my body," he continued, "so that we may be one." I kept that oath, Sassenach,  and so did you. He rotated me slightly and gently placed a hand on my belly.   You carry me inside you, Claire, and you can't leave me, no matter what. You're mine forever, whether you like it or not. Mine. And I won't let you go again.  I placed a hand on hers and pressed it against me. "Yes, for I have respected the last part of the oath as well: "And I give you my soul, until the end of time. » 

Chapter 11 p183 Inverted Jealousy 

"Ah, Annabelle de Marillac! he meditated. A very pretty girl, graceful and light as the breeze. So small and small that you want to slip it under your shirt and take it everywhere like a little. (...) What's going on, Sassenach? I was just thinking that no one will ever describe me as "graceful and light as the breeze"! "Ah! He stared at me with a smirk. Indeed, "gracious and light" is not the first qualifier that comes to mind when I think of you. He slipped an arm around my waist before resuming:  "But I speak to you as to my soul. Your face is my heart. 

(p185) Working at thehAngels Hospital 

Sassenach, do you want to go and treat beggars and criminals while you're expecting a child? You forget you're pregnant! He seemed terrified and stared at me with a panicked look as if he had to react to a sudden bout of dementia. "No, I have not forgotten," I said, putting my hands on my stomach. (...) I don't see anything that prevents me from working for the next few months. "Nothing, except I won't let you do it!" "Jamie, you know what I am. "You are my wife!  "Yes, but I'm also a nurse. A healer. You're in a good position to know that. "Because you cared for me when I was injured, I should think it's normal for you to go and take care of the scum and prostitutes?"  (...) "But of course! Who do you think I am? I retorted.  "Since  you want to know, I'll tell you: for a madwoman willing to abandon her husband to go play doctor with the dregs of humanity! "Who said anything about abandoning you?" So you find it so implausible to want to make me useful rather than to encrust myself in the Arbanville lounge, to watch Louise de Rohan stuff herself with small ovens, to listen to bad poetry, or to... To... because taking care of the house is not useful?   Is being married to me not helpful? (...) "Because being married to me is an occupation enough for you?" In that case, why don't-you stayhome all day loving me? As for taking care of the house, it's bullshit! (...) He stared at me at length, his nostrils quivering. "What if I forbade you to go? This time it was my turn to be taken by surprise. (...) "Do you forbid me?" (...) The only party I did not think of for a moment was to yield to him. "No," said he at last, "in making clear efforts to control himself, I do not forbid you. But what if I ask you? (...) Will you think about it, Claire? "Okay. The tension between us dissipated somewhat.  (...) "Excuse me, Jamie, I didn't want to put you in this state. He turned to me and addressed me with a contrite little smile..  "Well, that's what I'm I didn't want to make a scene for you either. I'm a little on edge right now. 

Chapter 16 p220 

"Doesn't it worry you to know that you can never trust anyone?" I asked as I climbed the stairs. He laughs softly. "That's not entirely true, Sassenach. First there's you, then Murtagh, my sister Jenny and her husband Ian. The four of you, I would entrust my life with my eyes closed. In fact, I have done it more than once. 

Chapter 17 p264 The bite to the thigh 

What is that? He had placed both his hands on his sex in a modest gesture, but that did not hide the long scratches all the way down his legs. High on his thigh, a few inches from his purses, I noticed a red mark that looked like a bite. You could still see the trace of the teeth. (...) Throwing a twisted glance at the maid and then at me, Jamie draped his dignity in a blanket and sulked:  -To say that I spent the whole night defending my virtue dearly to hear this kind of comments. I stared at him with a smirk as I twirled the ring at the tip of my finger. Let's talk about it. What's going on? he was indignant.  You still don't think that... But finally, I'm a married man! (...) "Sassenach," said he in a soft voice, "what are you going to imagine?"  "Well... I began trying to detach my gaze from the mark on his thigh. He made a forced laugh.  "O, woman of little faith!" he laughed. "What do you want?" I defended me. When a woman sees her husband in the early morning, with bite marks and scratches all over her body, stinking the cheap perfume and confessing to having spent the night in a brothel... - What if he tells you that he did nothing but look without touching? "Don't tell me that it was when you looked that you had this mark on your thigh!" I cried. (...) Do I have to infer that these are the remnants of a heroic struggle to defend your virtue? (...) Jamie took a deep breath and opened his mouth as if to launch into a long explanatory speech. Then he turned around and sighed.  "Yes,"  he said simply. (...) I spread the long curls of the soaked hair that fell in his neck and leaned me to lay a little kiss of peace at the base of his neck. I suddenly stood up and strayed from him.  (...) I was staring at the bluish lollipop at the base of his neck. (...) "So you just watched, didn't you? My poor darling, how you must have suffered!  Liar! He let himself fall heavily into the bathtub causing another tidal wave and turned to me. That I wanted to join them and fornicate like a beast? Well, yes! It was itching my balls, if you want to know. But that doesn't mean I hit one of those trails. He spread the dripping locks out of his eyes, his eyes sparkling. Are you happy now? "No," I replied, with fire on his cheeks.  Do you consider that the mere fact of wanting another woman is infidelity? "You're the one who has to ask. "Well, no, I don't agree, Sassenach. And even if I slept with a whore, what would you do? Would you slap me? Would you ban me from your room? Would you banish me from your bed?  I looked him straight in the eye. He was left speechless. That's all it is! If I found you with another man, I would kill him. Jamie paused and thought for a moment: "Of course I'd be mad at you, but still, he's the one I'd kill.  "You men, you are all very much the same! Always off the plate! He shook his head helplessly. There's really no way to reason with you! he sighed.

(...) He turned his head, embarrassed. "I always thought there was nothing simpler than loving a woman," he said softly. Yet... I sometimes want to throw myself at your feet and venerate you  and  sometimes... I would force you to kneel before me so that you may take me in your mouth like a... like a... I want both, Sassenach! You are what I love most in the world and I would like to keep you always snuggled up against me, like a little hidden in my shirt... and at the same time, I would like to spread your thighs and plow you like a bull in rut! (...) These contradictory feelings were already in me, always. (...) I raised my head and walked away from him, whispering to him, "Do you think I don't feel the same way?" So you don't know that I, too, sometimes want to bite you to the point of blood, or to lacerate your skin? (...) "Sometimes,"I said, "I want to ride you like a wild animal, to break your resistance and make you eat in the palm of my hand. I can do it... You know I can. I can drag you to the edge of the abyss and leave you standing there, panting.  (...) Besides, I often want to... My voice broke and I had to swallow before continuing: ... I want to press your head against my breast and rock you like a child. Through my tears, I could barely see his face. He hugged me hard.  "Claire... you kill me, with or without dagger  (...) "I want to make love to you,"he murmured,  "and I want to use you as I see fit." And if you still wish your revenge, then take it, don't get in the way; my soul belongs to you and, with it, all its darkest nooks and cranies. (...) "Sometimes," I whispered, "I wish it were you in my belly." to keep you there, safe, warm, forever. His big hand landed on the bulge of my belly.  "But I am in you, mo duinne, I am in you. 

Chapter 19 p287 

"She's lost! he barked. You lost my niece! Marigny won't want it anymore, that's for sure! You are only two degenerates, you and your slut! Turned to me, he sned: "Catin! Madam! You pick up innocent girls and sell them to scum! You... Jamie put a hand on his shoulder, rotated it and sent an uppercut into his jaw. Relieved, he rubbed his hand, watching with relief as the big merchant staggered backwards and then, backwards, crashing into the woodwork and sliding gently to the ground in a sitting position. 

Chapter 20  p296 The White Lady 

"You know that the men who have attackedme and Mary have called me the WhiteLady?" (...) "Well... hesitated. It's just that... I told Glengarry and Castellotti that you were the White Lady.  (...) Playing cards and dice is one thing, he explained with a sheepish air, but it wasn't enough for them. They couldn't understand why I wanted to stay so loyal to my wife. (...) "So you told them that I was the White Lady, I continued with a laugh, and that if you thought you were to be smart with other women, I was going to turn your private parts into prunes, right?"    "I was very convincing. I made them all swear on the honour of remaining silent.  (...) "Oh, Jamie!" I exploding. You're impossible! I jumped at his neck and covered him with tender kisses. "Well done!  (...) In the end, it allowed you to preserve your virtue, and for me not to be raped.

Chapter 21  p329  Jamie  finds Jack Randall alive and gives up the duel under pressure from Claire after a tough confrontation 

"The room was gradually filling up with light, and for a long time he was looking me in the eye—It's crazy what I can love you," he murmured at last. He kissed me, preventing me from answering him and taking one of my breasts in his bruised hand, he crept between my thighs.l.

Chapter 22 p334  His real reason to spare Jack Randall 

"The other day you told me that I owed you a life, Sassenach, for saving mine twice..." (...) But if I count, we're tied. If you remember correctly, I saved you from the clutches of Jack Randall in Fort William and a little later, in Cranesmuir, I pulled you out of the crowd. (...) My point is that there is no debt between us. His smile had faded and he was staring at me gravely. "I didn't give you Randall's life in exchange for mine, it wouldn't be fair. (...) "So why did you agree? I asked.  (...) For none of the reasons you have invoked. That's right, I took Frank's wife. Too bad for him. But in the end, it's just another rival. You had a choice between him and me, and it was me that you chose, (...) I do not see how the fact that you chose me rather than him forces me to treat him with certain respects.  In addition... I confess that I have always been a little jealous of him. (...)  "At the abbey of Sainte-Anne, you saved me from more than one form of death, mo duinne. Don't think I've forgotten it. In the end, maybe I owe you more than you owe me.  (...) His gaze pierced my soul. "I don't care if it was right or wrong of you to have chosen me over him.  If you have committed a sin by staying with me, then I am ready to accompany you to hell and thank the devil for having guided you on the wrong path. (...) "I don't think I've committed a sin," I said softly. But if that's the case... then I'll go to hell with you, Jamie Fraser. (...) "I've thought long and hard, Sassenach.  First of all, I knew you'd suffer if I killed that scumbag. I am willing to do, or not to do, a lot of things to prevent you from suffering, but what is the weight of your conscience in relation to that of my honor? No. Each of us is responsible for our own actions and conscience. (...) So why? I insisted. "Because of Charles-Edward Stuart. If his business with Saint-Germain is successful, he may be able to lead an army in Scotland. In that case... you know better than I do what might happen. (...) What if I happened to... He swallowed, looking grave. It's  ... If I'm not here anymore, I want you to have a way out. I want you to be able to take refuge with someone. And if I can't be with you, then I want you to be with someone who loves you as much as I do.  His hands pressed mine. My rings were sinking into my flesh, as if to confirm the importance of what he was saying. Promise me that if something bad happens to me, you will go back to Frank. His eyes were ringing with mine. "I have already tried twice to send you back to him and, thank God, you have not left. But if this were to happen a third time, promise me you'll go back to Frank, that's the only reason I agreed to wait a year before killing Randall. Can you promise me, Claire?  (...) "Okay," I said at last. I promise you that.

Chapter 23 

After a while, I became aware of a slight change in Jamie's attitude. (...) His gaze was distracted, dark blue by desire,  (...)  Surprising me to look at him, Jamie blushed slightly and hurriedly resumed his reading with a feigned interest. I rolled to the side and put a hand on his thigh.

"Interesting, this book? I asked, caressing him carelessly.

- Mphm. Oh yes. His blushing intensified, but he did not leave the page with his eyes.

Smiling inwardly, I slipped my hand under the sheets. He dropped the book.

"Sassenach!" he said.  You know you can't... 

"No," I said, "but you can. Or rather I can do it for you.

He spread my hand firmly and returned it to me.

- No, Sassenach. That wouldn't be fair. 

"Not fair?" I say surprise. What for?

He wriggles, embarrassed, avoiding my gaze.

-Well, I.... I wouldn't feel good Sassenach. Take my pleasure thanks to you and not be able to give it to you.... Well I wouldn't feel good, that's all. 

I burst out laughing as I put my head on his thigh.

- Jamie, you're so delicate!

"I'm not delicate," he said. But I'm not selfish, Claire, stop it! 

- Did you intend to wait several more months? I asked him without interrupting me.

"I could," he said with as much dignity as possible given the circumstances.  I waited twenty... twenty-two years, and I can... 

"No, you can't," I said, pulling on the sheet and admiring the shape so clearly visible under his nightgown. (...) Whatever God wanted you to become, Jamie Fraser, at least it wasn't a monk.  »

Chapter 24  p370 Jamie provokes the duel 

It was when I uncorked the bottle that I saw it. At first, my mind refused to record what my eyes saw: a small piece of paper folded and wedged between the multicolored vials. My fingers began to tremble to the point that I had to do it twice before I could unfold it. "Forgive me." The letters were carefully drawn in the center of the sheet, above the initial J written with the same application. Below, three more words, hastily scribbled as a postscript: It must be!  "You have to," I repeated aloud.

Chapter 27  p 394 The price ofiterceder with the King   

When I was aware of my request, he looked embarrassed and made me suspect that asking the king to sign a release order for Jamie was going to be more complicated than I expected. (...) "I believe I can arrange a private hearing with Her Majesty. But... Uh... you are sure that your husband... (...)  If you go alone to Her Majesty, she will assume that you agree to share her diaper. (...) Her Majesty is sensitive to requests from people with a certain charm,  (...)  but there is a price to pay for such requests, Said Mother Hildegarde. Most gentlemen of the Court are only too pleased that their wives enjoy the king's favour. The profit they derive from it is well worth the sacrifice of their honour. (...) "But your husband does not seem to me to be of the calibre of these complacent cocus. She ar arched her eyebrows with an interrogative air. "I'm afraid I don't, indeed," I confirmed. In fact, the adjective "complacent" was probably the one that was least appropriate for Jamie Fraser. I tried to imagine his reaction when I heard that I had shared another man's diaper, even the King of France.  This idea made me think again of the trust that had united us since our wedding day and I was suddenly overwhelmed by a feeling of distress. I closed my eyes, feeling my courage abandon me, and pulled myself together. (...) No matter how hard I looked, I didn't see any other way. Jamie had to get out of prison, at all costs, whatever the consequences.  (...) "I'll go alone," I announced. I have no choice.  (...) "I will pray for you, my child," she said, drawing a semblance of a smile. (...) "Although... I wonder... What saint will I be able to invoke in this particular case?  (...) On the other hand, as an ex-prostitute, Mary Magdalene seemed to me the saint perfect for understanding the company in which I was embarking.

Chapter 28  p414  Reunion  nearthe release of Jamie from prison by the  King 

"Jamie," I murmured, "where have you been?" "I thought you were dead, mo duinne," he said at last. The last time I saw you... My god! You were lying in the grass, so pale! Your skirts were covered in blood... I wanted to go to you... I ran, but the guards surrounded me and prevented me from doing so. I could feel his chest shaking against my cheek. "I struggled... as long as I could. I begged them... There was nothing to do, they took me away. They put me in a cell and let me languish there... convinced that you were dead and that I had killed you.  The tremor grew and I understood that he was crying. How long had he been prostrate in his Bastille dungeon, alone with the scattered fragments of his vengeance and the taste of blood in his mouth?  (...)"I hit my head against the walls to keep me from thinking," he continued. The next day, Jules de Rohan came to me and taught me that you were still alive, but probably not for long.  He was silent for a long time before adding: "Forgive  me, Claire. Please forgive me.  These were the same words he had scribbled on his message before the world fell apart. But this time I was able to accept them.

(p416) "Did you have been told in prison... Why were you released? I asked in a hesitant voice.  I could feel his muscles stiffening under my palm, but his voice was not trembling. Only that it was... Her Majesty's pleasure. He had hardly pointed out the word "pleasure," with a deceptive delicacy that made me understand that he already knew everything, whether his jailers told him or not.  I bit my lips, wondering what I had to tell him. "It was Mother Hildegarde who explained to me where to find you," he said. (...) She... told me everything. "Yes," I said. I saw the king... "I know! His hand shook mine and, at the sound of his breathing, I guessed he was clenching his teeth.  (...) He rose abruptly, facingme. So you don't know what I... Claire, all the way to Bayonne, I galloped like crazy imagining the scene in my head: his greedy hands on your white skin, his slimy lips on your neck, his sex... (...) Oh, Claire! I spent all this time in prison thinking you were dead, and I rode all the way to the south of France wishing you were!  "Jamie, listen to me! No, I don't want to hear. "But listen, for God's sake! My insistence succeeded in silencing him for a few moments and I took the opportunity to quickly tell him the events of the king's room: the men in the hood, the dark room, the confrontation of the two sorcerers and the death of the Count of Saint-Germain. (...) He hugged me and I finally surrendered to sobs.

(p420) I was lying down to Jamie. I stared at the darkness of our room, lulled by the slow movements of his breath  (...) .  I had been careful not to tell Jamie how my hearing with the king had ended. (...) It was time to let the doors of the king's room close forever behind me.

Chapter 29 p423 The King, sequel and end 

"I was wondering... He paused and began to fiddle with a small flower that grew between the herbs. What's going on? I insisted. "How it was with... Louis. (...) Yes... He's a king, after all. You'd think it's... Different... special, you understand. His smile faded. He was as pale as I was. "In fact, what I was wondering was... it was so... Was it different from me? I saw him biting his lips, already regretting having asked the question. But it was too late. How did you know? "Claire," said he softly, "you gave yourself entirely to me the first time. You've never hidden anything from me. Never. When I asked you to always be sincere with me, I also told you that you did not know how to lie.  He put a hand on my thigh and I startled, not expecting it. "How long have I loved you?" he said. A year? A thousand years? From the first moment I saw you. And how many times have I loved your body? Half a thousand times. Maybe more. (...) You never turned yourself in to me," he said. Not even at first,  when you were entitled to do it. I would have understood that.  You gave me everything from the first moment. But now... At first I thought it was because you had lost the child and you were afraid of me after such a long separation. But I realized that it wasn't that. It marked a long pause, punctuated by the birdsong of the forest.  "Why?" he said. Why did you lie to me? When I came to you thinking I already knew? (...) Jamie...   I had to get you out of the Bastille at any cost. I would have done worse if I had to. But then... I half hoped someone would tell you, that you'd find out. I was so angry, Jamie... for the duel, for the child. Because you made me go and see him, Louis, I mean. I wanted to do something to keep you away from me, to make sure I never saw you again. I did it... partly... to hurt you. A muscle contracted at the crack of his lips.. – You made it, he said without raising his head. He said nothing for a good minute, looking absent, and turned to me looking me in the eye. (...) "Jamie," I murmured. Please. (...) We remained at length thus, and at last his hand closed on my wrist and squeezed him.  "Do you want me to punish you? he said softly. His fist clenched me harder and I subconsciously tried to remove my wrist. He didn't let go. On the contrary, he drew me against him with a sudden gesture.  I was shaking like a leaf and the goosebumps bristled all the hairs in my body. His expression was unfathomable. Without leaving my eyes, he held out his free hand behind him, groped the rock until his fingers closed on a tuft of nettles which he tore. (...)  "Do you want me to go on?" he asked. Do you want me to hurt you? If... If you want. (...) Suddenly, the noose around my wrist loosened. I opened my eyes to discover Jamie, sitting in a suit by my side, watching me with a smirk. The nettle handle lay a little further. "I have already beaten you once, Sassenach, and you have threatened to empty my bowels with my own knife. Now you're asking me to whip you with nettles? So you attach so much importance to my pride as a wounded male? "Yes, perfectly! I cried. I stood up abruptly, grabbed him by the shoulders and kissed him fiercely and clumsily. After a first moment of surprise, he pressed me against him, and his mouth answered mine. He laid me on  the stone, crushing me with his weight, and held my hands on the ground. "Okay," he whispered. Since that's what you want, I'm going to punish you. (...) There will never, ever be anyone but me! he murmured. Look at me! Look at me, Claire! He took my head in his hands, forcing me to look him in the eye. "Never! he repeated. Because you're mine. You are my wife, my heart... (...)  ... my soul, he ended in a rattle. (...) Never... he murmured, his face a few inches from mine.  "Never," I repeated. I turned my head, closing my eyes to escape the intensity of his gaze.  But a gentle pressure on my cheek forced me again to look at him. Open your eyes, look at me. This is your punishment, like mine. Look at what you've done with me, as I look at what I've done with you. Look at me. I was looking at him, trapped in his gaze.  I looked at him and I could see the depths of his soul, his inner wounds. I could have cried for her pain and mine if I had been able to.  But his eyes commanded mine, dry and wide open. His body was chained to mine, and he pushed me before him as the east wind swelled the sails of a ship on the high seas.  I was traveling in him, and him in me. When the last squalls of love lifted me up, he uttered  a long cry, and we rode together the waves as one body, contemplating each other in the gaze of the other.

(Chapter 31 p447 CLAIRE) I stopped walking and turned to him. (...) - Jamie... I want to be where you are. Nowhere else.  He stood motionless for a moment, leaned over me and laid a kiss on my forehead.

(Chapter 32 p453 JENNY)) "If you have such a poor opinion of men, it is a miracle that you support us, Jamie and I," laughed Ian. Jenny waved her ladle towards her brother and her husband sitting side by side. "Oh, you, you're not really men!" (...) "You  are mine," she explained. 

Chapter 35  p477 Departure for War 

"Jamie?" (...) You don't hope to leave me behind, do you? (...) "Leave you behind?" he said with an ironic smile. Because I have a say? "No," I replied. But I thought the idea would trotter in your head. He slipped an arm around my shoulders and I huddled against him. "Ah, for that yes, Sassenach. She trotted through my head. I even considered a moment to tie you to the stairwell, but... No.  You'll come with me, Sassenach. Along the way, you may come back details of your history lessons. Besides, your healing skills will be useful to us. He stroked my arm and sighed.  "Honestly, I'd much rather leave you here safe, Sassenach. But I'm taking you with me, you and Fergus.

Chapter 36 p496  After the  eventful encounter with teen John Grey 

"He slowly folded andstretched.  dit-il une minute plus tard.  (...) For the rest, too. I thought you'd be willing to sacrifice your modesty to save me from hurting this kid, but I didn't have time to ask your permission. If I was wrong, I apologize. 

(p498) "I have promised your knight that he will never bore you again. I guess that means that unless you invite me to share your diaper, all I have to do is go to sleep with Murtagh or Kincaid.  And Murtagh snores. I stared at him at length, letting him languish a little, and shrugged his shoulders with an indifferent air. "As long as you do... You've already torn up half my dress, you could at least finish the job properly. The warmth of his arms on my skin was soft as the caress of silk. What do you want? he murmured in my hair. To war as to war...

(p531)) After Prestonpans 

"Jamie! I exclaimed, amused despite the fatigue, you are really not in good shape! He laughed and pressed me against readi. "What do you want, Sassenach, I cannot lie next to you without wishing you. (...) The terror, stress and exhaustion of the last two days slowly dissipated, finally leaving us alone. (...) His hand  floated in the air and went down on my head. "Claire, I need you," he murmured. I need you so much. 

Chapter 38 p568 

He reached out behind him and gave me a pat on the thigh. "I love you," he mumbled in a half-sleep. - I know, I answered before falling asleep, tight against him

Chapter 40 p580 At  Simon  Lovât 

"Yes, I also wonder what kind of father I will be for my children. (...) Jamie... I hesitated, you think that one day we will have... - Ofcourse, he answered without hesitation. He  leaned over to me and laid a kiss on my forehead.. – I know it, Sassenach, and deep down you know it too.You are meant to be a mother, and I have no intention of letting another one engross you. "So much the better," I replied, laughing, "because neither do I." 

(p590) I hear you are very much appreciated by your husband's men. They call you neo-geimnidh meala. Noticing that I did not understand, he translated: "It means "M  adame lips of honey." I did not have time to say more. Jamie's fist fell on his uncle's jaw and sent him crashing into the buffet in a smash of broken crockery. My beloved husband may have dressed like a gentleman, but he had lost none of his fighting instincts.  Simon Fraser the young man stood up on his knees, his fists outstretched forward. Jamie stood in front of him, motionless, ready to reoffend.  "My  wife doesn't understand Gaelic very well," he said calmly. Now that you've shown it to everyone, you're going to apologize to him or I'm going to make you swallow all your teeth. (...) When we were in the hallway, I stopped Jamie, pulling on his sleeve, and asked him, 'But what does neo-geimnidh meala really mean? "It means more or less "honey lips," as he told you-even. But that's kind of nice. "Except it's not your mouth, Sassenach. "What! The bastard! (...) "Calm down, Sassenach. Don't let it take you apart. It wasn't you he was aiming for, but me.

(p595) Simon Fraser grumbled a few more words  (...)  and went on: "Your oath of allegiance against the honour of your wife. It was Jamie's turn to burst out laughing.  What's going on? As I understand it, you're threatening to rape her before my eyes! he scoffed. But try, don't get in the way! When she's done with you, I'll call Aunt Frances to pick up the crumbs.  (...) Jamie stood up slowly and stared at his grandfather without betraying any emotion. "I don't need to watch her. I have no concerns. My wife is not a creature like any other. She is a wise woman, a white lady... like Lady Aliset. (...) He turned suddenly to me with stunned eyes. He opened his mouth, but before he had time to speak,  Jamie continued, a slight hint of malice in his voice: 'Whoever touches her against his will will will see his private parts curl up like a chard pear and roast in hell for eternity. 

Chapter 43 p623  Leaked ofyears then from the church 

He looked for my arm in the dark and squeezed it. "I will come and get you as soon as I can; otherwise I will send Murtagh. If things go wrong, barricade yourself in the church. 

(p630) Who's talking?" asked the voice outside. Do you have an English woman with you? "Yes! shouted Dougal. He rushed to the door and opened it. "Yes! he repeated. We have a prisoner. A lady. If you burn us alive, she'll perish with us! Jamie leapt towards Dougal and pulled him violently back. "You've gone mad! "This is our only chance! retorted this one. (...) "He's right, Jamie! That's the only way!  Anger and fear could be seen on his face, and also a touch of humour at the irony of the situation. "I am a sassenach, after all! He gently stroked my cheek.  "Yes, mo duinne, but you are my sassenach. He turned to Dougal, paused and nodded. (...) He lifted me up in his arms and walked to the door, which Dougal opened wide to let us through.  His heart was beating near my ear. (...) His arms tightened around me, hard and firm as a promise: he would never abandon me. "My God! I heard it blowing when we reached the English.  There were a few dry questions, mumbled answers, and I felt left on the floor. His hands lingered on my body for a few seconds, hesitating to let go. When he walked away, I heard the screeching of his boots, and found myself abandoned in the midst of strangers.

Chapter 45 p665 Alex, Jack and Frank Randall 

"Finally... we now know that Frank will live, I say, trying to smile. (...) "Let Frank go to hell!" he said, snarlingly. (...) "You told me the other day that you were not resentful... I began. He grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me, holding me at arm's length. "And while I'm at it, damn you, Claire Randall Fraser. Yes, I hold a grudge. I hate every one of your memories where I don't appear! every tear you've shed for someone other than me! every second of your life you've spent in a bed other than mine! I hate them! I hate them!  (...) Once he calmed down, he drew me to him and kissed me passionately before shaking me again. "You are mine, Claire Fraser! Mine! I'm not going to share you with anyone, whether it's a man, a memory or anything, as long as we're both alive. Then don't ever say his name in front of me again! Do you hear me?  He kissed me again to support his words. "Do you hear me?" he repeated. I said, half dizzy.  (...) "Excuse me, Sassenach, it's just that... Damn it! Why did you have to... Yes, I know that... but you really had to... (...) "Yes," I replied. It had to be, but now it's over. (...) I awoke in the middle of the night, still in his arms, and I immediately felt that he was not sleeping. "Go to sleep, mo duinne," he whispered. I reached out to him and felt his cheek wet. What is going on, my love? I asked. I love you, you know. "Yes, I know, mo duinne.  Let me tell you how much I love you too in your sleep because, when you are awake, I do not know what to repeat the same words all the time. But when you sleep in my arms, I can tell you how I feel and I know that in your dreams you hear me and understand me. Then go back to sleep, mo duinne.  I stretched out his lips and kissed him at the base of the neck, just where I could feel his pulse beating.

Chapter 46 p677  Separation in Culloden 

Dougal lay curled up on the floor, his mouth and eyes wide open. He stiffened one last time and fell back, inert. (...) "By St. Michael! May the Lord help us! Jamie and I startled and turned at the same time to the door. Willie Coulter MacKenzie stood on the threshold. He was one of Dougal's men  (...) The man seemed petrified. He looked up at Jamie. Willie... repeated this one, it takes me an hour. He put a hand on his shoulder, bringing him into the room.  I need an hour to get my wife to safety. After that, I'll come and answer for what I'm doing. I give you my word, on my honor. An hour, no more. You're willing not to say anything for an hour?

(p679) "I need you and Claire to sign this paper," announced Jamie. But that means perjuring yourself.  I have no right to demand it from you. Murtagh's little black eyes quickly walked through the document

(p681) Jamie said nothing, completely absorbed in the task he had set himself. For my part, still reeling from the latest events, I was also silent.  "I have to keep my wife safe," he said. I had not grasped what he meant by that, but it suddenly became clear two hours later, when he forked his horse further south and appeared in the distance the green and steep hill of Craigh na Dun.  "No," I cried. Jamie, no! I don't want to leave!  (...) Jamie had half begged me, half dragged by force along the trail, ignoring my protests. However, he had stopped at the cottage and dropped to the ground, breathless.

(...) "I'm going to have the English and all the Scottish clans on my back. I'm a traitor on both sides. A rebel and an assassin. Clear... I'm a dead man. (...) He touched my lips with his fingertips, gently following their contours. "But you, my Sassenach, I can still save you. That's all that matters.  Then I will go and join my men.

(p684) "Jamie," I mumbled in the folds of his tartan. I'm going back to Culloden with you.  (...) "No," he repeated. There is no question of that. He stared at me with a mixture of anger and dread.  (...) Jamie... I don't want to... I can't... I won't live without you, that's all!  (...) "You think I don't know?" he said at last. Of the two of us, I still do best. For if you feel what I feel for you, then what I ask of you is to tear your heart out and accept to live without me. You have to do it, mo duinne. It has to be. "But why?" I cried. When you rescued me from the hysterical crowd of Cranesmuir, you confessed that, if it had been necessary, you were ready to go to the stake with me!  "That's right, I would have done it without hesitation. But I didn't carry your child in me. (...) Jamie turned to crouch in front of me and took my hands. "Claire," he said softly. Tomorrow I'll be dead. This child... is all that will remain of me. I ask you, Claire, I beg you, take him away from here. 

(...) "I will find you," he murmured in my ear. I promise. If I have to endure two centuries of purgatory, two centuries without you, that is the price I have to pay for my crimes. I lied, I killed, I stole, I betrayed and I broke my word. But when I  stand before God, I will have an argument for my defense: "The Lord has given me an exceptional woman, and I have loved her with all mybeing." 

(...) "You are so beautiful, my love,"he murmured.

(p687) - Frank... he said at last with a sigh. I don't know what you're going to be able to tell her. In any case, he probably won't want to hearit. But if he was trying to find out, talk to him like you spoke to me and tell him... that I am grateful to him, that I trust him, because I have no choice.  And tell him too... that I hate him. 

(...) These were our last moments together and we didn't know how to say goodbye. "In the old days," said Jamie, "when a warrior went to war, he would find a witch to bless him. He had to look in the direction he was going to go and she would stand behind him to recite his incantations. When she had finished, he walked straight ahead of him without turning, for a last glance towards her would have brought him bad luck. He stroked my face and turned my back, facing the door. The morning sun flooded the threshold, illuminating his red hair like a halo of fire. He bulged his torso and filled hislungs. I put a hand on his shoulder, looking for my words. Jenny had taught me some Celtic prayers. I tried to remember one. "Jesus, son of Mary," I began in a hoarse voice, "I invoke your name and that of John, the beloved apostle, and that of all the saints gathered in both. Please protect this man in the battle to come... I stopped abruptly. The sound of footsteps and voices rose nearby.

(...) He kissed me one last time with a spirit that left a taste of blood in my mouth.